Mums – Put Your Own Oxygen Mask on First

Oxygen maskNowadays more and more people are suffering from stress and overwhelm. And they may not even realize it!  So many of the common symptoms include conditions that are common for many. It may start with

too much to do

     leading to…

so many constant thoughts

     leading to…

difficulty sleeping because the mind doesn’t stop

     leading to…

feeling exhausted

leading to…

sugar cravings to keep going

leading to…

mood swings

leading to…

impatience, irritability and taking it out on other people…

Like your loved ones, your friends and your clients!

In my experience of talking to and working with working mums (as well as being one myself!) overwhelm seems to have become an acceptable and normal mode of living (at least for mums if not everyone).

At the school gates mums gather with tales from the battlefield of motherhood such as just avoiding a car accident on the way to school because the kids were shouting in the back or pulling out of the front drive realizing that one of the children was still in the house.

Is this what we want for our future generation?

As mums we try to give them the best chance in life and yet all most of them want is for their mum to simply BE with them. As in:

not on their phone…

not at work…

and not thinking about their To Do list

But in order to be really present with our children (and other people in our lives)  we need to be really present with ourselves! And given the fast pace of life for most people,

we need to take time our for ourselves!

So that when we are with our children or loved ones or friends or clients we can be really present with them.

Why is it that on a plane we are told to put our own oxygen masks on first before helping our?

Our family, friends and clients deserve the best from us and in order for us to do our best we need to put our own metaphorical oxygen mask on first.

What does your oxygen mask look like?

For some it might be:

  • a walk in the woods
  • a long hot bath
  • sitting in a cafe reading a book
  • hanging with friends
  • going for a run
  • doing some EFT
  • going on a retreat

Here is an excerpt from an blab online broadcast I did recently with EFT tapping to release overwhelm.

We need to recharge for a few minutes every day.  If you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed and not sure how to start, download a free video (under 5 minutes) to start releasing some of those negative feelings right now.

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I’m Walking My Talk – just about…

Take time out from your busy lives! That’s my motto. I blog about it. I tweet about it. I work with women who can’t. I tap on it!

Today I got my period and am noticing my need to slow down and nurture myself. I had a lovely  day planned with friends making vision boards. And I was really looking forward to it, although I didn’t fancy driving or interacting with the outside world (other than my lovely friends).

The problem is that I am the kind of person that if I make a commitment, I stick to it, even at the cost to my body if it is hurting or tired. So it was with some discomfort that I messaged the lovely Kate Codrington (abdominal massage and period expert!)  who was hosting it to give her a heads up that I might not be coming as I had my period and wanted to see how I felt. She replied with the most lovely message saying “Stay at home! Rest in your cave” and as I read this I noticed my whole body sigh with relief and start to relax.

She had given me permission to stop!

But did I need her permission?

My favourite question to ask myself when trying to decide what to do is:

“If I truly loved myself what would I do?”

What would you do if you really loved yourself-I knew the answer was to stay at home and nurture myself but all my old programming was still flagging up all the reasons why I shouldn’t.

Here are some reasons why we don’t always listen to ourselves even when we know what is best for us:

  • I need to keep my word
  • I don’t want to miss out
  • I don’t want to let people down
  • I don’t want people to think I’d unreliable
  • I don’t want people to think I’m weak
  • I don’t deserve it

Maybe you can relate to some of these?

20160115_160844Anyway the great news is that I stayed at home and as yesterday I had my Red Tent set up from a retreat I ran this week, I bathed in a red cocoon of love and nurtured myself with my favourite music by Deva Premal, a raw cacao smoothie (raw cacao, chia seeds, flax seeds, dates, lacuma, brazil nuts and coconut water) and made my 2016 vision board while being inspired by Amber Kuileimailani Bonnici on her Woman Unleashed Retreat video :)

So, with a little help from Kate, I walked my talk – thank you, Kate :)

If you are constantly on the go, know you need to stop and feeling overwhelmed and stressed, I have a limited number of FREE “Give Me My Sanity Back” sessions to give away. To apply, email me with what is stopping you from feeling a light and peaceful in this moment.

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Scrooge and Family Dramas

Last weekend I went to see Scrooge the Musical with the lovely Rickmansworth Players.  For those you who aren’t familiar with the story, Scrooge, is a miserly and mean old man and as the story unfolds, it reveals that he had a challenging childhood of poverty and abandonment.

Scrooge Ricky Players

Image by Martin Smith of Origin8 Photography

It appears that he may have created beliefs such as:

  • If I’m rich all will be well
  • People I care for leave so don’t get attached to anyone

His fiancée was waiting for him to be ready to get married but he kept putting it off with the excuse that they don’t have enough money yet. When she gave him an ultimatum, it is not surprising that, given his  beliefs about money and love, he chose money.

We create beliefs about ourselves and about life in childhood.  Typical beliefs might include:

  • I’m invisible (for example if parents always give attention to a sibling)
  • I’m not good enough (for example if parents never seem pleased with child’s grades)
  • I need to take care of myself as nobody will do it for me (for example after a divorce, a mother has to work long hours and is not available)

We are often not aware of the  beliefs we subconsciously create as children but act as if they are the truth and play out in adult life. So for example, someone who created the belief that they aren’t good enough as a child may not go for a job that they are well qualified for as an adult.

Often we overcome these beliefs by rationalising or overcompensating so for example someone who feels invisible might force themselves to be in the public eye in order to feel seen and try to compensate for feeling invisible.

But when one gets together with family gatherings at Christmas or birthdays, the old childhood patterns can start replaying. For example someone who is successful in adult life might feel small and weak in the family circle. Other feelings might be triggered with negative emotions such as anger, resentment, guilt, shame or fear.

Nowadays families are often dispersed and only come together on festive occasions which can intensify these old patterns making people feel uncomfortable in that environment.

If that is something that feels familiar to you and you’d like to feel happier and more peaceful about being around your family, here are some resources that could help you:

  • Download a free exercise to help you get clarity on your patterns in relationship to your family and start to release them
  • Read about how EFT and Family Constellations can support you in having a better relationship with your family
  • Download a Free EFT manual to start tapping away old patterns and creating new happier feelings
  • Contact me on to book a FREE Good Family Feeling Discovery Session and receive a free plan to start creating freedom within your family.
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Are you being pulled too many directions?

What I have noticed with lots of clients at the moment, is that they feel they are being pulled and stretched in too many directions. And this takes them away from feeling calm and centred.

I would like to share with you a simple process to help you feel calmer and most peaceful with your life as it is right now.

Make a list of things that take you away from being present. Include thoughts, feelings and actual things such as work, taking care of the kids, house chores etc

Here are some of the most common thoughts and feelings clients share that  bother them most:From Chaos to Calm wordcloud

Once you have your list, make a picture of images or words of the things that take up their time and space in your head.

At a recent workshops, we did this process and here are some of the pictures participants drew:


Once you have completed your picture, look at it and choose an emotion that matches how you feel about it from the Emotional Scale below.

1. Joy/Appreciation/Empowered/Freedom/Love
2. Passion
3. Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness
4. Positive Expectation/Belief
5. Optimism
6. Hopefulness
7. Contentment
8. Boredom
9. Pessimism
10. Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
11. Overwhelm
12. Disappointment
13. Doubt
14. Worry
15. Blame
16. Discouragement
17. Anger
18. Revenge
19. Hatred/Rage
20. Jealousy
21. Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
22. Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness

Once you have identified the emotion, do some EFT/ Tapping on this emotion and then check in with how you feel about the picture again. In the workshop, we did this a few times and all the participants observed their feelings getting  lighter and more positive. Repeat this until you are feel Joy/Appreciation/Empowered/Freedom/Love :) If you have never tapped before, download a FREE EFT manual here.

In the workshop, we then did another process using a combination of EFT and Family Constellations processes to deepen their experience. If you would like to know more about these workshops (Retreats for Women) go here. Or if you live far away, we can achieve the same with 1-2-1 programmes – to book a consultation to find out more about Fast Track to Freedom programmes. To see how I work with skype (working with a client with inappropriate anger towards her son), go here.

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Lunchtime Tapping with Tamara on periscope

I have just discovered Periscope :) Have you tried it? If you don’t know what it is, its an app that you can download onto your phone and watch live broadcasts worldwide.

I have decided to make use of this technology and offer a free tap-along on Monday lunchtimes at 1:00pm UK time. The broadcasts will be available for 24 hours so if you can’t make it, you can always watch later.

So if you have any special requests on themes to tap on, please let me know…

Here is my first Lunchtime Tapping with Tamara:

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EFT and Family Constellations (video)

A few weeks ago I presented a talk on EFT and Family constellations at the Association of Meridian Therapies (AMT) conference. The AMT reported that this presentation was one of the most popular and talked about at the conference!

My focus was the importance of the flow of love from one generation to the next, what can cause interruptions in that flow and how to strengthen that flow when it has broken. To see the presentation, go here:

To attend an EFT and family constellation workshop, go here.

See what people say about doing EFT with family constellations:

“I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your presentation and to thank you for allowing me to be your demo:) I got a lot from it and I think the others did too. It’s a really powerful tool and it made it so easy and gentle to get into deep stuff.” Jaqui Crook

“Honestly, it was amazing, such deep healing going on in me and through me. Feeling so honoured to be a part of it all.  I just can’t believe that so many changes with my mother happened after I did the constellation yesterday… or maybe I can. Amazing! Really amazing! ” RP

“Having spent a few occasions under Tamara’s guidance with family constellations, it has always been an utterly fascinating process. Each time, I have been a representative, which meant I have cried other’s tears and felt other’s feelings, it’s always been a very powerful experience. Last week, however, I was the issue holder and my word, this incredible process succeeded in shifting a belief that was so deeply held that I didn’t even realise it was there! The intensity of the experience was very gently facilitated by Tamara, who skilfully knew what questions to ask, when to ask them, all the time creating an atmosphere of safety, so that emotions were allowed to flow. If that wasn’t powerful enough, the knock on effect to family members not even in the room with us was phenomenal. A deeply healing journey, held in experienced, kind and gifted hands.” Leora Leboff

I found you to be very intuitive and gentle and using EFT combined with the Family Constellation method was a really effective and frankly extraordinary mix.  

 I suppose I thought it might be all fluffy nonsense but the impact is unquestionable – it really has made a significant and immediate difference to how I am feeling and my general energy levels.  It is hard to see how saying some words and tapping on different points can do anything at all but I know it did because I felt the changes and I still feel the benefits.

 All the good things from the session are still gently reverberating inside me.  My love for my son has definitely increased or rather my connection to it.  I feel much more compassionate and patient with him. 

 I’ve been away this weekend with my parents and one of my brothers and his family and it has been a lovely time.  I have felt free to enjoy them all and let anything frustrating, annoying or unhelpful to me just wash over me.  I didn’t realise all this army stuff was going on inside me but now that its out I can see how it has been effecting me.  With all the centenary memories of the first world war there are a lot of reminders all around of war, particularly in my parents home as my father is very involved in writing histories of the war.  I found looking at some of the photos and such like this weekend very moving in a helpful way.  I feel connected with the sadness of warfare but not dominated by it. 

I had a moment with my son where I think I would have been angry with him a week ago but this time I found myself defending him, protecting him as he let a cascade of typical 3 year old emotion wash over him rather than being impatient or angry with him.  It felt really good and his little face afterwards looking at me with such love was really special.  A little later he tracked me down across the house saying ” I have something important to say to you Mummy.  I love you from top to bottom!”  It was so sweet.  I really felt he’d observed a change in me and was responding to it.  If I have no other benefits from EFT and your priceless session, this little moment was worth everything.  And to be honest, I am sure I will get more and more from EFT.”  HH




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Family Constellations – The Knowing Field

The Knowing Field is the term used in Family Constellations to describe the space from which the Representatives (people chosen by the person, called Issue Holder, whose issue is being represented) sense information about their situation. This information sensed through emotions and body sensations. The Representative does not need to know anything about the Issue Holders history or story, in fact, it is possible for the Representative to not even know who they are representing!

Women representing a line of mothers in a family constellation presentation at the AMT conference

Women representing a line of mothers in a family constellation presentation at the AMT conference

This sounds bizarre but the way I first experienced the Knowing Field was when I was picked to be a representative for a mother who had given her child away to be adopted. All of a sudden I was filled with emotions that were not mine! When I was asked to look at the representative for the child I had giving away, I felt complete disgust when my “child” was standing in front of me and had to look away. In fact the person representing the child was a friend of mine and I had no hard feelings towards them.

Under the instructions of the constellator (facilitator) each Representative was asked to move or say various sentences to other Representatives. When either of these things happened my emotions and body sensations changed and if felt as if we were all in a giant bowl of soup in which I was feeling the ripples of movement made in some other part of the bowl!

Now this may sound far fetched but that good news is that this Knowing Field has also been defined by Rupert Sheldrake, biologist and author of more than 80 scientific papers and ten books, as a Morphic Field in which “contains a built-in memory given by self-resonance with a morphic unit’s own past and by morphic resonance with all previous similar systems.”

Autumn leavesIn this part of the world its Autumn at the moment and as I was walking the other day I saw a wirlwind of Autumn leaves being swirled around by the wind. I realised that the wind is like the Knowing Field and the leaves are like the Representatives. If you are out of the wind, you can’t see or feel the wind, but you can see the impact of the wind on the leaves, blowing them around.

If you would like to find out about the workshops I run with Family Constellations and EFT and receive a FREE EFT manual, then sign up here. The next workshop is on 30th November in Kings Langley.

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