I am safe. I am free

Today I took Dr. Joe Dispenza (neuroscientist and best-selling author) with me on my morning jog!  Well, not literally but I listened to him on my phone talking about Information to Transformation as part of the Hay House World Summit (free for a period of time). What was amazing was that I felt like he was talking specifically to me!

One of my ongoing challenges is working to dissolve my core belief that I am not safe.  Through doing EFT/ tapping I have uncovered and released some of the traumatic events relating to my ancestors where their lives were genuinely in danger which have definitely helped but it is still having an impact on my life. It came to a head recently in Miami when we could not find anywhere to stay. We had booked somewhere but last minute was cancelled so although we had somewhere to stay when we got there, we could only stay there a few days. It felt as though the universe had conspired against us and only presented possibilities that were in the worst parts of Miami where our hire car would be the best car in the street confirming my belief that I really wasn’t safe. Lots of tapping and surrendering brought us kind new friends who helped us out :)

Tamara Jogging smallWhen I go jogging I always jog in the streets as my belief told me that it was not safe for women to jog alone in the fields. As I jogging and listening to Joe and jogging, he was saying that in order to change our personality which is made up from our thoughts, feelings and actions we need to come from pure consciousness.

Joe was telling me that “It is only when we become pure consciousness, when we detached from our identity, when we forget about our body, when we disconnect from our problems when we become nobody, no-one, no thing, nowhere, no time. That is the moment we become pure consciousness…”. In that moment I literally felt nobody, no-one and everything at the same time – totally connected to the world around me. I felt like I was running effortlessly, flying free.

In the next moment I realised I was coming to the end of the road and to continue I had to take a footpath into the countryside (unsafe) or turn back (safe). I could feel an adrenalin rush at the thought of continuing onto the footpath and decided to go a little way and see how I felt.  After a few feet, I felt too nervous and I turned back to the road.

Joe says that you have to look beyond your life in order to change your life is the art. Familiar emotions are records of the past. As soon as the one breaks free from the negative emotions, one were able to perceive a new future. So I was thinking, I want to break free of not feeling safe and just at that moment I passed another footpath into a field. Joe told me that I am at my absolute best when I get beyond myself. He said that in real time people are fighting with themselves. The fact that they struggle is important because there is a very delicate balance between intention (what you want) and and surrendering (letting go for a bigger mind to begin to organise in a way that is right for us).  And I thought, that’s me – to go or not to go! I won’t change unless I do something different, So I just thought DO IT!  So I crossed the road into the field and thought I can turn back at any time!

As I was crossing the road to the gate that led to the field I began imagining the worst case scenario and remembered a news item from some 20 years ago that had always stuck in my mind of the murder of a mother and daughter in a field while they were walking home from school. As that memory popped into my head, Joe told me that the hormones of stress cause us to select the worst case scenario as a potential future event that we need to protect ourselves from.

The problem is that from the infinite possibilities we are selecting the worst possible outcome for a possible scenario and bracing ourselves from it and protecting ourselves from that outcome and our bodies can’t differentiate between real and perceived fears.

The more we are ruled by our fear, the more we try to control the outcome to get what we want. But when we are no longer feeling disconnected our heart begins to open and we begin to feel connected to something greater.

Autumn Girl enjoying nature on the field. Beauty Girl Outdoors raising hands in sunlight rays. Beautiful Teenage Model girl in white dress running on the Field, Sun Light. Glow Sun. Free Happy WomanAs I heard this I began to relax and trust (and tap!) and I began to notice of beauty of the huge sky around me, the expanse of the fields in front of me and the glistening of the grass dancing in the sun.  I was filled with the feeling of freedom, peace, exhilaration and gratitude. Thank you Joe.


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Changing Your Beliefs Can Change Your Fate

These are the words of cell biologist, Bruce Lipton, during his insightful talk on the Hay House World Summit (free until 8th May).

Bruce Lipton

Bruce Lipton

Bruce explains that the idea that genes control our character traits and that we are victims of our hereditary is now an old paradigm.

He states that perceptions of the world and our environment send information to our cells that can activate or deactivate our genes. So someone with a totally healthy set of genes but a negative perception of the world may be more prone to serious diseases due to a distorted readout of the genes.

Changing your beliefs can actually change your fate. 

So instead of being a victim of our genetic makeup, we can influence our levels of healthy and wellbeing by changing our beliefs.

Through his research Bruce established that an unhealthy environment created unhealthy cells and a healthy environment created healthy cells. To create health in the unhealthy cells, he placed the cells in a healthy environment and they recovered.  Humans made up of millions of cells therefore putting a human in a healthy environment creates a healthy human being.

According to Bruce, recent research found that less than 1% of illnesses are related to genes therefore most illnesses are our response to our environment.

The key is our perception to our environment, not the environment itself.

For example if different people experience an identical car crash, they won’t create the same feelings and thoughts about it. Here are some peoples possible responses. They may:

  • experience extreme trauma and create the belief that cars are dangerous which will create fear causing the release of adrenalin when thinking about or going in a car.
  • feel angry with the person who drove into them causing the crash and make it their life’s work to bring justice to the situation and maybe to others in a similar situation.
  • feel sorry for themselves and may blame the fact that nothing is working in their lives and give up.
  • dust themselves off and just get on with life knowing that these things happen and not to dwell on it.

Bruce also shares that a recent paper written by a genetics research scientist at UCLA  says that our subjective perception of  reality overrides the objective experience.  He says that between the environment and the cells is your mind and nervous system. Your mind reads the environment and sends signals to the cells. So if one’s mind misinterprets the environment, for example it perceives it as threatening and scary even though it is not, the cells take on that information as truth as they don’t have direct access to the environment. So the cells respond to the chemistry from the brain. In the example above, if one has the belief that the cars are dangerous, it affects the chemistry of the body.If you change your beliefs you change your fate

Through early childhood experiences we also create more global beliefs that may have a more blanket impact on our physiology. Some limiting ones may be:

  • “The world is a dangerous place”
  • “I’m not good enough”
  • “I’m alone”

To change our fate we need to change our beliefs and Bruce mentions that one of the quickest most powerful ways to do that is through energy psychologies of which EFT is one of them. He lists several options on his website.

With EFT one can release negative beliefs by identifying specific events in one’s life where the belief was created or confirmed. Each event is identified and an EFT process is done on one or more of the events, as necessary, resulting in the belief dissolving and  a new positive belief replacing it.

So for example if the belief that “I’m not good enough” is present, events that created or reinforced this might involve the following themes:

  • having a sibling who appears to receive more attention that you – for example the time my dad praised my brother for winning a race in which I lost
  • not living up to parents expectations – for example disappointing a parent with a school report
  • school situations – for example being asked at school to answer a question that one doesn’t know

Some people can’t remember specific events. If that is the case it is still possible to clear negative beliefs with techniques learnt on a EFT course or attend a one-to-one session with an EFT practitioner.

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What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Woman looking in the mirrorWhen was the last time you had a good look at yourself in a full length mirror?

When was the last time you looked at yourself with no clothes on in the mirror?

Nowadays, how we feel about the way we look has got out of proportion. Old people want to make themselves look young, people with big bits want smaller bits and people with small bits want bigger bits! If some aliens from out of space or even tribal people observed our culture I feel certain they would find it strange!

We are surrounded by images of beautiful, slim people who appear to have it all (at least all that counts in our culture!).

So what happens when we, Joe Public (or more usually Jane Public!) look in the mirror. Often we feel less-than the images that are imprinted in our minds of how we should look. This less-than feeling can affect the way we dress, behave and the choices we make.

Fat AmySo for example, if Jane Public feels she is overweight, she may dress to hide her body which may cause her to feel uncomfortable in situations where she being seen. This may affect the choices she makes and she may miss opportunities that could lead her towards her goals eg a partner, a particular career etc.

When people feel comfortable in their skin and their body, they look more attractive whether they are young, slim and beautiful or not as their beauty radiates from within. One woman I think is totally gorgeous and does not fit the slim mould is Rebel Wilson who plays Fat Amy in Picth Perfect!

If you would like to feel more comfortable in your own body without nipping, tucking, lifting, augmenting, dieting or doing exercise, here is an EFT tapping routine to follow:

Tapping for Body Image

If you would like to feel more comfortable in your body, come to A Woman’s Journey Retreat in June  where we will be exploring our beliefs about our bodies and start learning new ways of being with ourselves.

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Are you to busy to read this?

Are you inundated with an overwhelming number of emails?

Are you procrastinating on facebook at work or while you should be making the dinner?

Are you wishing you had more hours in the day and days in the week to fit everything in?

Do you wish you could just stop?

Busy People

Life is getting busier and busier for many of us. We spend more and more time doing and less time being. When was the last time you switched off the TV and mobile phone and spent time meditation, mindfully walking in nature or simply contemplating life?

Most people need to schedule down time in order to create space in their lives.  Without this they keep going on and on until illness or burnout sets in.

When people choose a simpler, slower pace of life they create the possibility of more presence, peace and stillness.

Women are blessed with monthly cycles that create an opportunity to slow down and retreat during their periods. When a woman can embrace her bleeding time to go within and nourish her mind and body, she creates harmony with the nature of her cyclical being. But most women nowadays ignore them creating tension which may result in period pain, PMT and other symptoms.

We weren’t designed to fire on all cylinders every day of the month. We live in a naturally cyclical world – plants grow in Spring, flower in Summer, bear fruit in Autumn and die off in Winter only to repeat the cycle again next Spring.  Our energy levels ebb and flow with the phases of our cycle with most women experienced more energy during ovulation and less during menstruation. But in the main we ignore them.

If we want our plants to thrive, we generally plant in the Spring not the Winter. Our menstrual phase is like the Winter. A time to be still, rest before the business of Spring and Summer.

Here are some tips to create more space in your life and within your cycles:

For the super busy:

  • Look in the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself (this will create more compassion for yourself thereby enabling more desire to take care of yourself)
  • Give yourself a hug (again, creates more compassion)

For the moderately busy:

  • Massage your feet for 5 (or more!) minutes in bed before you go to sleep
  • Soak for 20 minutes in a warm bath with a cup full of Epsom salts
  • Do a daily round of EFT on business and lack of space. It might go like this:

Tapping for BusY People- Setup (2)

For those wanting to give themselves a complete reboot:

Treat yourself a weekend away in the beautiful rolling hills of the Chilterns on A Woman’s Journey Retreat

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Surviving a Family Christmas

Do you celebrate Christmas?
Are you looking forward to it?
Are you attending a family gathering?

Christmas is usually a time for family gatherings. It often involves seeing family you haven’t seen for a while or even since last Christmas. Nowadays people are more dispersed from their families living in another part of the country or abroad. Many people I speak to don’t relish the idea of spending a day or few with relatives they avoid during the rest of the year.

Being together at a family gathering can invoke old family dynamics and patterns that can be avoided the rest of the year.

For example a successful business woman might lose her voice when confronted by her ageing father and feel like the little 5 year old being scolded again.

family Christmas

Some people might consciously avoid these family situations by going on holiday or prefer to be with friends or alone. And others might have been excluded from the family unit due to unresolved family issues.

Yesterday I attended the lovely Red Tent in St Albans and shared a small but powerful  process using family constellation concepts to help get clarity about family dynamics. In this version I have added some EFT to the mix:

  • Choose a family member you have a challenging dynamic with or you may want to choose your family as a complete unit
  • Write the family member name on a piece of paper or the simply write “family” on the paper
  • Place the piece of paper on the floor in the place that feels right to you.
  • Spend ideally 5-10 minutes exploring how it feels standing in various positions, distances and directions in relationship to the family member or family unit.
  • Find the place where you feel most comfortable in relationship to your family member
  • Say to him or her: “I am xxx (your name). I am your xxx (your relationship to them). You are my xxx (their relationship to you). We belong to the same family” For example: “I am Tamara. I am your daughter. You are my father. We belong to the same family” or “I am Tamara. You are my family and I am belong to it/ you.”
  • Add any other words that you need to say to them or would like to hear from them.

At any stage of the process, if any physical or emotional discomfort arises, do EFT on that until there is no intensity left. If you have not done EFT before, you can download a free manual here. Here are some example setup statements for various scenarios:

  • Even though I can’t stand any nearer to you than this and actually if the room was larger I would be even further away, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
  • Even though my heart feels heavy when I look at you, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
  • Even though I can’t say those words, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
  • Even though I just want you to accept me the way I am, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
  • Even though I can’t be the person you want me to be and am tired of trying, I deeply and completely love and accept myself

To finish off the process do a round of Positive EFT on however you would like to experience your Christmas eg peace, joy, acceptance, connection, belonging.

To get going straight away, download a free EFT manual or attend an EFT training.

Wishing you a very peaceful, joyful and loving festive season.

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5 Steps to Turbo Charge Your New Year Resolutions

According to Journal of Clinical Psychology:

  • the percent of people who are successful in achieving their new year resolutions is a meagre 8%
  • People who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don’t explicitly make resolutions
  • Resolution are maintained through first week  75%
  • Only under 50% are still keeping their new year resolutions after 6 months

I don’t know about you, but when I have tried to use will power to try to change my behaviour, it can do it for a while but then I tend to swing back in the opposite direction!

Here are 5 steps to turbo charge your new year resolutions which don’t involve will power:

Step 1: Choose the right new year resolution

You might already have an idea about what you want to achieve or avoid. Here are the top 10 new year resolutions for 2014 according to the Journal of Clinical Psychology :

Top 10 New Years resolutions for 2014 Journal of Clinical Psychology.  Image courtesy of instagram.com/artastrophic

Top 10 New Years resolutions for 2014 Journal of Clinical Psychology. Image courtesy of instagram.com/artastrophic

Lets look at number one – losing weight and some of the possible emotional benefits:

  • have more energy and fitness leading to feeling happier
  • feel more self-love and self-accepted
  • feel more love and acceptance from others

Wanting this intention, may imply that one does not already feel much happiness, love or acceptance so maybe the deeper intention is to:

  • feel happy
  • love and accept myself
  • feel more love and acceptance from others which is more likely to happen if you love and accept yourself

Step 2: Find your inner resistances to your New Year resolution

So lets take an example from the above of wanting to love and accept oneself more. Your reaction might be:

  • but I already love myself, its just that I need to change my body in order to love myself more
  • or its conceited to love myself so that is not my intention!
  • or of course I want to love myself – why would I resist it!

Lets go with the thread that you do want to love yourself more. You could at this stage do some Positive EFT on loving yourself.

Another way would be to ask yourself these questions such as these and write down the first thing that comes to mind without censoring:

  • I don’t want to love myself because…
  • I can’t love myself because…
  • I mustn’t love myself because…
  • I want to love myself because…

Some answers might be:

  • …I’m not good enough
  • …I don’t deserve to love myself
  • …I’m too bad to love myself
  • …I want to be happy

There will probably  be several answers to each question so keep repeating the question to yourself. It is important to ask why you want to love yourself as well as don’t want to because whenever there is an attachment to one of the answers, it may be holding you back from simply allowing the intention into your life.

Step 3: Release your resistances

Once you have all your answers, rate them on a scale from 0 to 10 where 0 is that you don’t really believe it at all and 10 is that you totally and completely believe it. Pick the answer with the highest number and either do some classical EFT on each resistance which is a simpler, general and usually slower approach. Do this on each answer from step 2.

So for example here is what you would say to tap on if you were tapping on not feeling good enough:

Tapping on the karate chop point say three times:

“Even though I don’t feel good enough to love myself, I deeply and completely love and accept myself”

Tap on these points (go round twice) and say repeat the reminder phrase “I don’t feel good enough”

  • Top of head
  • Start of eyebrow
  • End of eyebrow
  • Under eye
  • Under nose
  • Under lower lip
  • 1 inch below collar bone and 1 inch across from breast bone
  • Under arm (on bra line for women and parallel to nipple for men)

Check the rating and keep going until the rating is zero.

Alternatively find an (ideally early) event in your life that underpins this belief and do the EFT Movie Technique on that event until the rating is down to 0.

Go back to the belief and check the rating on it. If it is not zero, find another event and keep going until it is 0. Do this on each answer to each resistance.

Step 4: Visualise the new you as if you already have achieved your new year resolution

According to the Law of Attraction and the film The Secret, the more you can visualise or create an image and feeling of what you desire to already present in your life, the more aligned you will be with that goal or intention.

So here, my suggestion is to make a picture or sketch or vision board or simply cut out an image that makes you feel good with respect to your New Year resolution and look at it regularly or put it up on your wall. Or you could write some inspiring affirmations and put them on cards around your home. In the example of loving yourself, you might write:

  • I am beginning to love myself more and more each day
  • Today I choose love with every breath
  • I love and accept myself today just the way I am

Do Positive EFT on a title of the image or picture or on the affirmations you have created while visualising or imagining this has already happened.

Step 5: Celebrate your journey to achieving your new year resolution

In a gratitude journal, write and celebrate the blessings that life offers you that are in alignment with and moving towards your New Year Resolution.

If you would like to deepen your experience of manifesting your New Year Resolutions, we are holding a one day New Year Retreat on Saturday 3rd January in East Horsley, Surrey.

If you can’t make the retreat and would like to learn more about EFT to use with your New Year Resolutions, you can download a free EFT manual

I would love to hear how your New Year resolution journey unfolds – what worked, what didn’t and other ideas, tips and suggestions.

Wishing you a wonderful 2015 filled with joy, love, health, laughter, abundance, bliss and magic.

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EFT for Periods

Three years ago, Kayliegh came to me for EFT because her periods were irregular. She had 2 sessions and I didn’t her from her again until recently when she booked another session. At the start of the session, she told me how her periods had been regular ever since 3 years ago. Now she wanted to work on recent mood swings before her period.

At the start of the session, I invited Kayliegh visualise or imagine or get a sense of a circle where the 12:00 position represents menstruation, 6:00 represents ovulation, 9:00 represents moving towards menstruation and 3:00 represents moving towards ovulation. I then suggested that she imagine herself moving in a clockwise direction in a circle and notice what she sees/ feels/ senses. She was very surprised to that around 6:00 (ovulation) there was a brightness but around the area of 12:00 (menstruation) there was blackness and although she could see what was going on there, she couldn’t feel anything.

bleeding cycleI told her how our menstrual cycle can be mapped onto the cycle of seasons where Winter is at 12:00 (menstruation), Spring at 3:00,  Summer at 6:00 (ovulation) and Autumn at 9:00. The qualities of Summer and ovulation is movement, energy moving outwards. excitement, passion, sex to name but a few. During the Winter or menstruation phase, qualities included stillness, withdrawal, energy contracting and reflection.  Our culture functions in the energy of Summer.

We love, actually we are obsessed with, busyness.  

Time out, stillness, meditation, mindfulness are becoming more fashionable but many people still believe that there is strength in soldiering on however one is feeling.

So when women work in full time office jobs, they are expected to be functioning on all cylinders no matter what part of their cycle they are in. As an aside, I read recently in an article in the Daily Mail called Forget maternity leave – women should get PAID menstrual leave every month that menstrual leave is recognised in some countries in Asia, such as Japan and Indonesia! Anyway, back to my point!

When women ignore their need for stillness or slowing down during menstruation, in my experience, it can give rise to period pain or difficult emotions during that time.

Kayleigh resonated with the idea of needing to soldier on and felt that she was always doing that in her life. When I asked her what she was avoiding, she said she was scared of being vulnerable because if she was vulnerable she could get hurt. So I asked her when the first time she felt vulnerable from being hurt, she mentioned an incident in which her mother put her down for expressing her femininity that happened when she was 15 years old that from moment on she felt she repressed her femininity.

On a scale from 0 to 10 where 0 means she doesn’t believe it at all and 10 means complete belief, I asked Kayleigh how strongly she believed she could not express her femninity and she said 8.

So I did some EFT tapping on both the adult and teenage Kayleigh. We then tapped while she expressed to her mum how she felt as a result of that incident. What emerged was that Kayleigh had a yearning for approval from her mum so I suggested that she say to her mum “Please see me”. Kayleigh seemed angry and said that it didn’t feel right because her mum should already be able to see her so I changed the sentence to “Mum, I’m angry” and that felt true although she had not been aware of this before. Simply acknowledging her anger towards her mum, she was able to start allowing and releasing it which brought relief.

At the end of the session, Kayleigh felt ready to express her femininity and her belief in “I am not allowed to express my femininity” was down to 0. I asked her to have another look at the circle of menstruation and this time she was able to see and feel around the whole circle and felt more peaceful.  I look forward to hearing how she feels during her next cycle.

If you are experiencing period problems and would like to experience EFT to support you, download a free manual, have a one-to-one session by skype or in person or attend a monthly Red Tent Retreat.

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