I’m having a love affair!

Don’t freak out. I’m still happily married to Peter Donn!  Its just that for the last few weeks I have been very preoccupied with a particular rose bush I meet on my walk to the allotment.  The flowers are exquisite with colours ranging from the newly opened vibrant yellow to the more mature pale yellow roses with a pale pink tinge.  What really fills me up is the intoxicating aroma that I struggle to wrench myself away from. By now I am familiar with each flower intimately and have realised that its the smell of the newly open young roses that sends me to an aromatic heaven!

I always pause to take time to enjoy and appreciate this moment which brings so much gratitude for nature, the allotment and my ability to get so much pleasure from such a simple thing.

Pausing, creating time for yourself and being grateful are essential elements for my life. I once heard some wise words:

roseEvery day take some minutes for yourself
Every week take some hours for yourself
Every month take a day for yourself
Every few months take a weekend for yourself
Every year take a week for yourself

When you take time out for yourself, you have so much more to offer others be it taking care of family, running a business or general juggling of life.

Here are some suggestions on how you can take time out for yourself:

Very regularly:
Stop to smell the roses!
Go for a walk
Do a round of EFT every morning and evening

Have an Epsom salt bath
Give yourself a foot spa and/ or massage
Attend a class that feeds your soul
Have a massage
Receive an EFT session
Attend the Red Tent Retreat (for women)
Go out for a nice meal with friends

Every so often:
Book a weekend or week away
Learn a new skill or tool to support your journey. For EFT courses, check here.
Attend A Woman’s Journey Retreat

I would love to hear what brings you pleasure in your life. What do you appreciate and how do you create space to pause and be in your daily life?

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A Woman’s Journey Retreat

Last weekend I had the honour of facilitating a group of courageous, wise and inspirational women who attended my A Woman’s Journey Retreat in the beautiful Latimer Place in the rolling hills of the Chilterns.

As the name suggests each participant was invited to reflect on her journey through life as a woman. We then used a series of processes (including EFT and family constellation exercises) to release any negative feelings about past events and create resources to step into our lives with love, strength, groundedness, wisdom and courage.

Here are some of the comments from the participants:

A few days after the retreat, I received this feedback:

“…there have been so many subtle changes going on this week that I’ve been amazed.  I’m feeling the love from so many women around me, some who I’ve not been in contact with for a while.  I feel like I’m connecting more and yes even belonging more since the retreat. I know it’s only a few days since it but the changes are clear and recognisable.  How amazing is that?? Thank you!!” ,Rachael Posener, Reflexologist

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I am safe. I am free

Today I took Dr. Joe Dispenza (neuroscientist and best-selling author) with me on my morning jog!  Well, not literally but I listened to him on my phone talking about Information to Transformation as part of the Hay House World Summit (free for a period of time). What was amazing was that I felt like he was talking specifically to me!

One of my ongoing challenges is working to dissolve my core belief that I am not safe.  Through doing EFT/ tapping I have uncovered and released some of the traumatic events relating to my ancestors where their lives were genuinely in danger which have definitely helped but it is still having an impact on my life. It came to a head recently in Miami when we could not find anywhere to stay. We had booked somewhere but last minute was cancelled so although we had somewhere to stay when we got there, we could only stay there a few days. It felt as though the universe had conspired against us and only presented possibilities that were in the worst parts of Miami where our hire car would be the best car in the street confirming my belief that I really wasn’t safe. Lots of tapping and surrendering brought us kind new friends who helped us out :)

Tamara Jogging smallWhen I go jogging I always jog in the streets as my belief told me that it was not safe for women to jog alone in the fields. As I jogging and listening to Joe and jogging, he was saying that in order to change our personality which is made up from our thoughts, feelings and actions we need to come from pure consciousness.

Joe was telling me that “It is only when we become pure consciousness, when we detached from our identity, when we forget about our body, when we disconnect from our problems when we become nobody, no-one, no thing, nowhere, no time. That is the moment we become pure consciousness…”. In that moment I literally felt nobody, no-one and everything at the same time – totally connected to the world around me. I felt like I was running effortlessly, flying free.

In the next moment I realised I was coming to the end of the road and to continue I had to take a footpath into the countryside (unsafe) or turn back (safe). I could feel an adrenalin rush at the thought of continuing onto the footpath and decided to go a little way and see how I felt.  After a few feet, I felt too nervous and I turned back to the road.

Joe says that you have to look beyond your life in order to change your life is the art. Familiar emotions are records of the past. As soon as the one breaks free from the negative emotions, one were able to perceive a new future. So I was thinking, I want to break free of not feeling safe and just at that moment I passed another footpath into a field. Joe told me that I am at my absolute best when I get beyond myself. He said that in real time people are fighting with themselves. The fact that they struggle is important because there is a very delicate balance between intention (what you want) and and surrendering (letting go for a bigger mind to begin to organise in a way that is right for us).  And I thought, that’s me – to go or not to go! I won’t change unless I do something different, So I just thought DO IT!  So I crossed the road into the field and thought I can turn back at any time!

As I was crossing the road to the gate that led to the field I began imagining the worst case scenario and remembered a news item from some 20 years ago that had always stuck in my mind of the murder of a mother and daughter in a field while they were walking home from school. As that memory popped into my head, Joe told me that the hormones of stress cause us to select the worst case scenario as a potential future event that we need to protect ourselves from.

The problem is that from the infinite possibilities we are selecting the worst possible outcome for a possible scenario and bracing ourselves from it and protecting ourselves from that outcome and our bodies can’t differentiate between real and perceived fears.

The more we are ruled by our fear, the more we try to control the outcome to get what we want. But when we are no longer feeling disconnected our heart begins to open and we begin to feel connected to something greater.

Autumn Girl enjoying nature on the field. Beauty Girl Outdoors raising hands in sunlight rays. Beautiful Teenage Model girl in white dress running on the Field, Sun Light. Glow Sun. Free Happy WomanAs I heard this I began to relax and trust (and tap!) and I began to notice of beauty of the huge sky around me, the expanse of the fields in front of me and the glistening of the grass dancing in the sun.  I was filled with the feeling of freedom, peace, exhilaration and gratitude. Thank you Joe.


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Changing Your Beliefs Can Change Your Fate

These are the words of cell biologist, Bruce Lipton, during his insightful talk on the Hay House World Summit (free until 8th May).

Bruce Lipton

Bruce Lipton

Bruce explains that the idea that genes control our character traits and that we are victims of our hereditary is now an old paradigm.

He states that perceptions of the world and our environment send information to our cells that can activate or deactivate our genes. So someone with a totally healthy set of genes but a negative perception of the world may be more prone to serious diseases due to a distorted readout of the genes.

Changing your beliefs can actually change your fate. 

So instead of being a victim of our genetic makeup, we can influence our levels of healthy and wellbeing by changing our beliefs.

Through his research Bruce established that an unhealthy environment created unhealthy cells and a healthy environment created healthy cells. To create health in the unhealthy cells, he placed the cells in a healthy environment and they recovered.  Humans made up of millions of cells therefore putting a human in a healthy environment creates a healthy human being.

According to Bruce, recent research found that less than 1% of illnesses are related to genes therefore most illnesses are our response to our environment.

The key is our perception to our environment, not the environment itself.

For example if different people experience an identical car crash, they won’t create the same feelings and thoughts about it. Here are some peoples possible responses. They may:

  • experience extreme trauma and create the belief that cars are dangerous which will create fear causing the release of adrenalin when thinking about or going in a car.
  • feel angry with the person who drove into them causing the crash and make it their life’s work to bring justice to the situation and maybe to others in a similar situation.
  • feel sorry for themselves and may blame the fact that nothing is working in their lives and give up.
  • dust themselves off and just get on with life knowing that these things happen and not to dwell on it.

Bruce also shares that a recent paper written by a genetics research scientist at UCLA  says that our subjective perception of  reality overrides the objective experience.  He says that between the environment and the cells is your mind and nervous system. Your mind reads the environment and sends signals to the cells. So if one’s mind misinterprets the environment, for example it perceives it as threatening and scary even though it is not, the cells take on that information as truth as they don’t have direct access to the environment. So the cells respond to the chemistry from the brain. In the example above, if one has the belief that the cars are dangerous, it affects the chemistry of the body.If you change your beliefs you change your fate

Through early childhood experiences we also create more global beliefs that may have a more blanket impact on our physiology. Some limiting ones may be:

  • “The world is a dangerous place”
  • “I’m not good enough”
  • “I’m alone”

To change our fate we need to change our beliefs and Bruce mentions that one of the quickest most powerful ways to do that is through energy psychologies of which EFT is one of them. He lists several options on his website.

With EFT one can release negative beliefs by identifying specific events in one’s life where the belief was created or confirmed. Each event is identified and an EFT process is done on one or more of the events, as necessary, resulting in the belief dissolving and  a new positive belief replacing it.

So for example if the belief that “I’m not good enough” is present, events that created or reinforced this might involve the following themes:

  • having a sibling who appears to receive more attention that you – for example the time my dad praised my brother for winning a race in which I lost
  • not living up to parents expectations – for example disappointing a parent with a school report
  • school situations – for example being asked at school to answer a question that one doesn’t know

Some people can’t remember specific events. If that is the case it is still possible to clear negative beliefs with techniques learnt on a EFT course or attend a one-to-one session with an EFT practitioner.

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What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Woman looking in the mirrorWhen was the last time you had a good look at yourself in a full length mirror?

When was the last time you looked at yourself with no clothes on in the mirror?

Nowadays, how we feel about the way we look has got out of proportion. Old people want to make themselves look young, people with big bits want smaller bits and people with small bits want bigger bits! If some aliens from out of space or even tribal people observed our culture I feel certain they would find it strange!

We are surrounded by images of beautiful, slim people who appear to have it all (at least all that counts in our culture!).

So what happens when we, Joe Public (or more usually Jane Public!) look in the mirror. Often we feel less-than the images that are imprinted in our minds of how we should look. This less-than feeling can affect the way we dress, behave and the choices we make.

Fat AmySo for example, if Jane Public feels she is overweight, she may dress to hide her body which may cause her to feel uncomfortable in situations where she being seen. This may affect the choices she makes and she may miss opportunities that could lead her towards her goals eg a partner, a particular career etc.

When people feel comfortable in their skin and their body, they look more attractive whether they are young, slim and beautiful or not as their beauty radiates from within. One woman I think is totally gorgeous and does not fit the slim mould is Rebel Wilson who plays Fat Amy in Picth Perfect!

If you would like to feel more comfortable in your own body without nipping, tucking, lifting, augmenting, dieting or doing exercise, here is an EFT tapping routine to follow:

Tapping for Body Image

If you would like to feel more comfortable in your body, come to A Woman’s Journey Retreat in June  where we will be exploring our beliefs about our bodies and start learning new ways of being with ourselves.

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Are you to busy to read this?

Are you inundated with an overwhelming number of emails?

Are you procrastinating on facebook at work or while you should be making the dinner?

Are you wishing you had more hours in the day and days in the week to fit everything in?

Do you wish you could just stop?

Busy People

Life is getting busier and busier for many of us. We spend more and more time doing and less time being. When was the last time you switched off the TV and mobile phone and spent time meditation, mindfully walking in nature or simply contemplating life?

Most people need to schedule down time in order to create space in their lives.  Without this they keep going on and on until illness or burnout sets in.

When people choose a simpler, slower pace of life they create the possibility of more presence, peace and stillness.

Women are blessed with monthly cycles that create an opportunity to slow down and retreat during their periods. When a woman can embrace her bleeding time to go within and nourish her mind and body, she creates harmony with the nature of her cyclical being. But most women nowadays ignore them creating tension which may result in period pain, PMT and other symptoms.

We weren’t designed to fire on all cylinders every day of the month. We live in a naturally cyclical world – plants grow in Spring, flower in Summer, bear fruit in Autumn and die off in Winter only to repeat the cycle again next Spring.  Our energy levels ebb and flow with the phases of our cycle with most women experienced more energy during ovulation and less during menstruation. But in the main we ignore them.

If we want our plants to thrive, we generally plant in the Spring not the Winter. Our menstrual phase is like the Winter. A time to be still, rest before the business of Spring and Summer.

Here are some tips to create more space in your life and within your cycles:

For the super busy:

  • Look in the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself (this will create more compassion for yourself thereby enabling more desire to take care of yourself)
  • Give yourself a hug (again, creates more compassion)

For the moderately busy:

  • Massage your feet for 5 (or more!) minutes in bed before you go to sleep
  • Soak for 20 minutes in a warm bath with a cup full of Epsom salts
  • Do a daily round of EFT on business and lack of space. It might go like this:

Tapping for BusY People- Setup (2)

For those wanting to give themselves a complete reboot:

Treat yourself a weekend away in the beautiful rolling hills of the Chilterns on A Woman’s Journey Retreat

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Surviving a Family Christmas

Do you celebrate Christmas?
Are you looking forward to it?
Are you attending a family gathering?

Christmas is usually a time for family gatherings. It often involves seeing family you haven’t seen for a while or even since last Christmas. Nowadays people are more dispersed from their families living in another part of the country or abroad. Many people I speak to don’t relish the idea of spending a day or few with relatives they avoid during the rest of the year.

Being together at a family gathering can invoke old family dynamics and patterns that can be avoided the rest of the year.

For example a successful business woman might lose her voice when confronted by her ageing father and feel like the little 5 year old being scolded again.

family Christmas

Some people might consciously avoid these family situations by going on holiday or prefer to be with friends or alone. And others might have been excluded from the family unit due to unresolved family issues.

Yesterday I attended the lovely Red Tent in St Albans and shared a small but powerful  process using family constellation concepts to help get clarity about family dynamics. In this version I have added some EFT to the mix:

  • Choose a family member you have a challenging dynamic with or you may want to choose your family as a complete unit
  • Write the family member name on a piece of paper or the simply write “family” on the paper
  • Place the piece of paper on the floor in the place that feels right to you.
  • Spend ideally 5-10 minutes exploring how it feels standing in various positions, distances and directions in relationship to the family member or family unit.
  • Find the place where you feel most comfortable in relationship to your family member
  • Say to him or her: “I am xxx (your name). I am your xxx (your relationship to them). You are my xxx (their relationship to you). We belong to the same family” For example: “I am Tamara. I am your daughter. You are my father. We belong to the same family” or “I am Tamara. You are my family and I am belong to it/ you.”
  • Add any other words that you need to say to them or would like to hear from them.

At any stage of the process, if any physical or emotional discomfort arises, do EFT on that until there is no intensity left. If you have not done EFT before, you can download a free manual here. Here are some example setup statements for various scenarios:

  • Even though I can’t stand any nearer to you than this and actually if the room was larger I would be even further away, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
  • Even though my heart feels heavy when I look at you, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
  • Even though I can’t say those words, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
  • Even though I just want you to accept me the way I am, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
  • Even though I can’t be the person you want me to be and am tired of trying, I deeply and completely love and accept myself

To finish off the process do a round of Positive EFT on however you would like to experience your Christmas eg peace, joy, acceptance, connection, belonging.

To get going straight away, download a free EFT manual or attend an EFT training.

Wishing you a very peaceful, joyful and loving festive season.

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