5 Steps to Turbo Charge Your New Year Resolutions

According to Journal of Clinical Psychology:

  • the percent of people who are successful in achieving their new year resolutions is a meagre 8%
  • People who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don’t explicitly make resolutions
  • Resolution are maintained through first week  75%
  • Only under 50% are still keeping their new year resolutions after 6 months

I don’t know about you, but when I have tried to use will power to try to change my behaviour, it can do it for a while but then I tend to swing back in the opposite direction!

Here are 5 steps to turbo charge your new year resolutions which don’t involve will power:

Step 1: Choose the right new year resolution

You might already have an idea about what you want to achieve or avoid. Here are the top 10 new year resolutions for 2014 according to the Journal of Clinical Psychology :

Top 10 New Years resolutions for 2014 Journal of Clinical Psychology.  Image courtesy of instagram.com/artastrophic

Top 10 New Years resolutions for 2014 Journal of Clinical Psychology. Image courtesy of instagram.com/artastrophic

Lets look at number one – losing weight and some of the possible emotional benefits:

  • have more energy and fitness leading to feeling happier
  • feel more self-love and self-accepted
  • feel more love and acceptance from others

Wanting this intention, may imply that one does not already feel much happiness, love or acceptance so maybe the deeper intention is to:

  • feel happy
  • love and accept myself
  • feel more love and acceptance from others which is more likely to happen if you love and accept yourself

Step 2: Find your inner resistances to your New Year resolution

So lets take an example from the above of wanting to love and accept oneself more. Your reaction might be:

  • but I already love myself, its just that I need to change my body in order to love myself more
  • or its conceited to love myself so that is not my intention!
  • or of course I want to love myself – why would I resist it!

Lets go with the thread that you do want to love yourself more. You could at this stage do some Positive EFT on loving yourself.

Another way would be to ask yourself these questions such as these and write down the first thing that comes to mind without censoring:

  • I don’t want to love myself because…
  • I can’t love myself because…
  • I mustn’t love myself because…
  • I want to love myself because…

Some answers might be:

  • …I’m not good enough
  • …I don’t deserve to love myself
  • …I’m too bad to love myself
  • …I want to be happy

There will probably  be several answers to each question so keep repeating the question to yourself. It is important to ask why you want to love yourself as well as don’t want to because whenever there is an attachment to one of the answers, it may be holding you back from simply allowing the intention into your life.

Step 3: Release your resistances

Once you have all your answers, rate them on a scale from 0 to 10 where 0 is that you don’t really believe it at all and 10 is that you totally and completely believe it. Pick the answer with the highest number and either do some classical EFT on each resistance which is a simpler, general and usually slower approach. Do this on each answer from step 2.

So for example here is what you would say to tap on if you were tapping on not feeling good enough:

Tapping on the karate chop point say three times:

“Even though I don’t feel good enough to love myself, I deeply and completely love and accept myself”

Tap on these points (go round twice) and say repeat the reminder phrase “I don’t feel good enough”

  • Top of head
  • Start of eyebrow
  • End of eyebrow
  • Under eye
  • Under nose
  • Under lower lip
  • 1 inch below collar bone and 1 inch across from breast bone
  • Under arm (on bra line for women and parallel to nipple for men)

Check the rating and keep going until the rating is zero.

Alternatively find an (ideally early) event in your life that underpins this belief and do the EFT Movie Technique on that event until the rating is down to 0.

Go back to the belief and check the rating on it. If it is not zero, find another event and keep going until it is 0. Do this on each answer to each resistance.

Step 4: Visualise the new you as if you already have achieved your new year resolution

According to the Law of Attraction and the film The Secret, the more you can visualise or create an image and feeling of what you desire to already present in your life, the more aligned you will be with that goal or intention.

So here, my suggestion is to make a picture or sketch or vision board or simply cut out an image that makes you feel good with respect to your New Year resolution and look at it regularly or put it up on your wall. Or you could write some inspiring affirmations and put them on cards around your home. In the example of loving yourself, you might write:

  • I am beginning to love myself more and more each day
  • Today I choose love with every breath
  • I love and accept myself today just the way I am

Do Positive EFT on a title of the image or picture or on the affirmations you have created while visualising or imagining this has already happened.

Step 5: Celebrate your journey to achieving your new year resolution

In a gratitude journal, write and celebrate the blessings that life offers you that are in alignment with and moving towards your New Year Resolution.

If you would like to deepen your experience of manifesting your New Year Resolutions, we are holding a one day New Year Retreat on Saturday 3rd January in East Horsley, Surrey.

If you can’t make the retreat and would like to learn more about EFT to use with your New Year Resolutions, you can download a free EFT manual

I would love to hear how your New Year resolution journey unfolds – what worked, what didn’t and other ideas, tips and suggestions.

Wishing you a wonderful 2015 filled with joy, love, health, laughter, abundance, bliss and magic.

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EFT for Periods

Three years ago, Kayliegh came to me for EFT because her periods were irregular. She had 2 sessions and I didn’t her from her again until recently when she booked another session. At the start of the session, she told me how her periods had been regular ever since 3 years ago. Now she wanted to work on recent mood swings before her period.

At the start of the session, I invited Kayliegh visualise or imagine or get a sense of a circle where the 12:00 position represents menstruation, 6:00 represents ovulation, 9:00 represents moving towards menstruation and 3:00 represents moving towards ovulation. I then suggested that she imagine herself moving in a clockwise direction in a circle and notice what she sees/ feels/ senses. She was very surprised to that around 6:00 (ovulation) there was a brightness but around the area of 12:00 (menstruation) there was blackness and although she could see what was going on there, she couldn’t feel anything.

bleeding cycleI told her how our menstrual cycle can be mapped onto the cycle of seasons where Winter is at 12:00 (menstruation), Spring at 3:00,  Summer at 6:00 (ovulation) and Autumn at 9:00. The qualities of Summer and ovulation is movement, energy moving outwards. excitement, passion, sex to name but a few. During the Winter or menstruation phase, qualities included stillness, withdrawal, energy contracting and reflection.  Our culture functions in the energy of Summer.

We love, actually we are obsessed with, busyness.  

Time out, stillness, meditation, mindfulness are becoming more fashionable but many people still believe that there is strength in soldiering on however one is feeling.

So when women work in full time office jobs, they are expected to be functioning on all cylinders no matter what part of their cycle they are in. As an aside, I read recently in an article in the Daily Mail called Forget maternity leave – women should get PAID menstrual leave every month that menstrual leave is recognised in some countries in Asia, such as Japan and Indonesia! Anyway, back to my point!

When women ignore their need for stillness or slowing down during menstruation, in my experience, it can give rise to period pain or difficult emotions during that time.

Kayleigh resonated with the idea of needing to soldier on and felt that she was always doing that in her life. When I asked her what she was avoiding, she said she was scared of being vulnerable because if she was vulnerable she could get hurt. So I asked her when the first time she felt vulnerable from being hurt, she mentioned an incident in which her mother put her down for expressing her femininity that happened when she was 15 years old that from moment on she felt she repressed her femininity.

On a scale from 0 to 10 where 0 means she doesn’t believe it at all and 10 means complete belief, I asked Kayleigh how strongly she believed she could not express her femninity and she said 8.

So I did some EFT tapping on both the adult and teenage Kayleigh. We then tapped while she expressed to her mum how she felt as a result of that incident. What emerged was that Kayleigh had a yearning for approval from her mum so I suggested that she say to her mum “Please see me”. Kayleigh seemed angry and said that it didn’t feel right because her mum should already be able to see her so I changed the sentence to “Mum, I’m angry” and that felt true although she had not been aware of this before. Simply acknowledging her anger towards her mum, she was able to start allowing and releasing it which brought relief.

At the end of the session, Kayleigh felt ready to express her femininity and her belief in “I am not allowed to express my femininity” was down to 0. I asked her to have another look at the circle of menstruation and this time she was able to see and feel around the whole circle and felt more peaceful.  I look forward to hearing how she feels during her next cycle.

If you are experiencing period problems and would like to experience EFT to support you, download a free manual, have a one-to-one session by skype or in person or attend a monthly Red Tent Retreat.

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The Humbleness of Being a Beginner

Imagine being wrenched deep into the ocean by overpowering currents, being swirled and tossed around by the forces of the water, desperately trying to find your way up but not knowing which why up is. Up from the depths of the unknown. Up to the water surface where you could draw air and fill your lungs with much needed oxygen.  This was the image I had when I revisited the feelings arising as I felt into the sensation of what I experienced in the moments I did not know what to do and felt stuck when facilitating my first family constellation workshop.

I have facilitated many workshops in my time using EFT, EFT with family constellation processes, creative processes but never relying solely on my family constellation skills. Having just completed my foundation training, I naively thought it would not be that challenging.

Image courtesy of luigi diamanti at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of luigi diamanti at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When I think about facilitating EFT processes, I feel I am an experienced surfer, skilfully navigating the waves on an EFT beach for surf experts. Somehow I thought that if I surfed on a Family Constellation beach for surf experts, the waves and currents would be similar. But unfortunately I was faced with a whole new set of challenges that I was not prepared for. So, when the power of the ancestral current tugged me under, I lost my balance, fell off the board and was drawn deeper into the ocean. Luckily I had with me an experience family constellator, Kim Goode, and a colleague to come out and rescue me if I ran into trouble.

Being an EFT trainer, I now have a lot more compassion and sensitivity to my students, having had a very real experience of being in lost in the beginners mind.

Although the feedback from the participants was very positive – here is one from Rachael: “Honestly, it was amazing, such deep healing going on in me and through me. Feeling so honoured to be a part of it all. “  – I felt traumatised so I did some EFT (with the help of my husband and EFT trainer, Peter Donn) on the image I had and when I looked back at the image, after doing EFT, it had changed. It started to soften, appear more distant and I became more buoyant so that when I was tugged under, my body could not stay down there as it was lighter and floated up to the surface where I could catch my breath, pause and check the scenery to see where I was and what needed to happen next. Time ran out so some more processing to do but suffice to say that I am looking forward to running my next Family Constellation workshop!

To find out about upcoming workshops, go here for women’s workshops and here for EFT workshops.

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I Belong. I am Safe.

Today I completed the foundation family constellations course with the Centre for Systemic Constellations. Many people ask me what Family Constellations is and the best answer I can give is that if you have a headache and go to the doctor, she will examine your head and give you appropriate medication. If you go to a holistic therapist with a headache, they will take you whole being into account – mind, body and spirit. If you go to a family constellator with a headache, they take the holistic approach even further and take your whole family system into account. The idea behind this is that everyone in one’s system is interconnected and that just like a baby’s mobile, pulling one side of the mobile will cause an imbalance in the mobile as a whole and affect other sides of the mobile. The aim of a family constellator is to restore balance into the family system with the intention of bringing about more wellbeing and harmony to the individual with the problem (eg the headache) which then influences the family system as a whole.

I have been introducing some of the family constellations concepts into my EFT work for some years now but wanted to deepen my understanding of the work for both personal and professional benefits.

As I reflect on the course, one of my biggest challenges highlighted was one of needing to feel safe within the group. When I first met the group and we started working, it would have been inconceivable to me that by the end of the course, I would be able to feel safe enough to allow myself to be vulnerable with an old belief of not feeling good enough.  As I allowed myself to deepen into these feelings rather than push them away, I allowed shame and inadequacy to arise and invited the courage to welcome them and have compassion towards that vulnerable part of myself. 

One of the processes we were invited to take part in was to stand in the room where we felt our place was within the group with a cushion placed in the middle to represent the centre of the group. I almost rushed to the door feeling unbearable yuckiness! And allowing myself to be present with it. With the skilful, gentle and compassionate support of our trainer, Chris Williams, I was able to face my deepest fear of facilitating a constellation to the whole group of my peers with the support of him and a team I dedicated to be my panel.

Even though I stumbled quite a few times, I felt so supported and loved by the group at all times. I was able to allow my feelings of not good enough to be present without them taking over and lovingly stay focussed on the task in hand. At the end of the process the group offered feedback which was positive which I found hard to take into my heart. One participant suggested I put my hand on my heart and say I accept and receive which I found very moving.

At the closing of the course, we each shared our last reflections and I felt proud to say “I belong, I am safe. I feel seen.” If you would like to know more about my upcoming workshops which will include more and more aspects of family constellations, go here.

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Michael Ball uses EFT/ Tapping for Performance Anxiety

I love that fact that EFT is so versatile it can be used for almost anything. Here is a short clip from BBC Breakfast about Britian’s leading musical start, Michael Ball using EFT or has he calls it, tapping,  for performance anxiety:

If you would like to learn more about EFT, you can download a FREE manual, attend a FREE talk or course or have a one-to-one session by skype or in person.

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My 12 year old still won’t go to sleep on her own

Here is a wonderful testimonial from a mum who attended one of my workshops:

“By the time Sarah was 12 we were at our wits end.  I felt as if we had tried everything and nothing has worked, at least not for a long period.

Her problem was she was not able to get to sleep on her own, she has always been like this, there have been times when this has been better, not sure about worse!! This meant that me or her Dad needed to stay with her until she was asleep. If she woke up we needed to go back to her and it got to the point that I was staying with her all night, I was exhausted and so was she.

SleepingBackground history..

I suffered with post-natal depression with my first son and it wasn’t until Sarah was born that I suddenly had a complete panic attack and thought I can’t do it again. My way of coping was to put an emotional wall around myself and not bond with her. I think subconsciously I felt that if I didn’t suffer that dreadful tearing of one’s heart when one’s baby cries and cries and you can’t do anything, I would be OK.

By the time Sarah was 3 months I realised she was nothing like my first who cried all the time. At this point I began to bond with her, but felt guilty for those early days and wondered if this had effected her.

When Sarah was 5 months old, I tried controlled crying and she cried for about 5 hours. I checked on her every 10 minutes or so as per the plan but she did not give up. Again I was concerned I had caused damage leaving her for so long?

I am very interested in complimentary therapies and I tried healing with Sarah on many occasions and used visualisations, meditations, all which she likes but it only helped temporarily…  I have also taken her to practitioners for PLR, EFT (which helped for a short time), hypnotherapy, NLP and herbal medication and still most nights were disrupted.

When I came to your EFT course, Sarah was nearly 14. I suppose she was a little better but that was mainly because a friend who was struggling at home was virtually living with us and sleeping in Sarah’s room. The nights that her friend did not stay over we were always faced with the ‘ I cant sleep’ scenario.

So on the course Tamara asked who had any issues that we wanted to deal with. I had decided that I was going to talk about my throat blockage that bothers me but I strangely found myself saying:

‘I have an issue that is not really mine but it really effects me –  my daughter has a great deal of difficulty sleeping’

You asked me if I had tried tapping on myself. My first thought was why? I said I hadn’t. After all its not my issue. You explained that sometimes parents, particularly mothers, sometimes find that working on how the mother feels about the child’s issue can release the child’ s issue. This is because of the deep connection a mother has with her child. Anyway we tapped on the issues I said were significant to me as a mother to Sarah.

Some of the EFT setup statements we tapped on included:

‘Even though I did not love Sarah straight away, I deeply and completely love and accept myself’

‘Even though I left her to cry, I am open to the possibility of forgiving myself’

‘Even though I feel guilty and it no longer serves me, maybe I can let this go’

‘Even though I am still trying to make up to Sarah for the time i believe we lost, I sooth and comfort myself’

It was very emotional and felt very cathartic.

Well, to cut a short story long…Sarah has been fine ever since!! It was some months before I dared say anything to her. When I did, she said, Oh you are right, I suppose I have grown out of it! I told her about the tapping and she was interested but a little skeptical.

The main thing is she sleeps and goes to bed every night on her own!! Happy Days.

What a miracle EFT is.”

The steps I suggest to working with children’s issues are:

  1. Tap with the mother on how she feels about the issue. The reason I suggest starting here is because when a child is suffering it is painful, sometimes unbearable for mums to witness this. They often feel powerless to do anything about it so to get rid of their pain they want to fix their child (I know this feeling from experience!). But actually the first place to start is with themselves. Once they have released their own pain they can be much more able to be present and supportive with their child and their child’s suffering. Sometimes the issue that the child is experiencing is triggering an old issue of the mother eg if the child is being bullied and the mother was bullied as a child, it can feel unbearable to watch their child experiencing the same.
  2. Do surrogate tapping with the mother for the child. This involves the mother tapping on behalf of the child (with permission if that is relevant). At the beginning of the session she would say “I am <child’s name>”. Then she would tap on whatever feelings and body sensations arise when she thinks about the issue (without thinking – what would my child think and feel). We would then tap on these in the usual way.  When our daughter was younger, my husband and I did surrogate tapping for her on several occasions while she was in bed and in the morning, the issue was resolved :)
  3. Tap directly with the child.

Steps 2 and 3 may not be necessary after step 1.

EFT is an invaluable as a parenting tool and empowering tool to teach your children. Download a free manual to get started straight away, attend a workshop or book consultation by skype or in person.

For more information about sleep issues see:

Does your baby sleep through the night yet? Part 1

Does your baby sleep through the night yet? – Part 2 (EFT video)

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Red Tent Retreat – A Sanctuary For Inner Work

Have you read The Red Tent by Anita Diamont?

Tamara and Verity prepariing

Tamara and Verity prepariing

Its a beautiful and inspiring book about how women in the bible spent their moon time of bleeding every month in a red tent where they were nourished and taken care of by other women. In our society, women are expected to function on all cylinders every day of the month ignoring the cyclical nature of our beings.

For many years , my dear friend, Verity, and I have been running various workshops connected with Red Tent energy and an few months ago we came together and were curious about combining our skills, talents and energy to create a special monthly space for women to be nurtured, explore, heal and transform.

Crossing the threshold into the Red Tent

Crossing the threshold into the Red Tent

We wanted it to be right and develop organically so we decided to meet every few weeks to connect with each other through meditation, creativity, exploration and authentic sharing of our deepest fears and desires about creating this project. If felt important to allow our creative energy to merge and mature and trust that we would know from within when the right time arose to allow the our first session to unfold. After much deliberation we decided to call our monthly gatherings the Red Tent Retreat because not only did we want women coming to have the opportunity to feel nurtured, nourished and relaxed, but also to engage in processes that offer the possibility of transformation and healing.

Green smoothies at the start of the day

Green smoothies at the start of the day

Finally there came a point when we felt ready. We bought, dyed and gathered red materials and the day before our first gathering, we came together with our children on hand to help to create a red tent in my workshop room.

The sessions run for 3 hours in the morning followed by bring and share lunch.

The first session we focussed on nurturing and nourishing our wombs. Verity led a powerful womb meditation which lead into an art process. After a short break, I lead a family constellation style process to invite the women to explore their relationship with their femininity. We finished up with some Positive EFT on deepening our connection with our femininity.

Here is some lovely feedback from one participant:

HH

HH

As a mother of two, a wife, a home maker and starting up my own business, I give of myself constantly, willingly but constantly.  I find it hard at times to give myself the necessary nourishment to continue to give of my best to my family.  Along my journey, I encountered Tamara Donn who, amongst other things, runs women’s groups.  I attended one of her and Verity’s retreats recently and found it incredibly moving, inspiring, and most importantly nourishing.  It left me feeling like I used to after a hearty meal at my Granny’s house. A huge and heartfelt or should that be womb-felt thanks. I feel so good. I see a clear path ahead of me with you all, the sisterhood, behind / beside me.” HH

If you would like to come to our Red Tent Retreats, either book online or join our facebook group for more info

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